the 5 questions to ask your kids pastor about safety
I will never forget the tearful, broken words of a mother as I tried to convince her to visit church just one time: “I’m sure you run a tight ship and have an amazing program, but I just don’t know if I’ll ever be able to drop my girls off in a Kids Ministry again.” As she shared the heart-wrenching story of dropping off her girls at a church they had once attended regularly, where one of her daughters was molested by a trusted volunteer, I saw a mother devastated and betrayed by the very place that was supposed to protect her children. Her story, sadly, is not unique.
I’ve sat in countless strategic meetings where church leadership discusses discipleship strategies, growth tactics, restructuring, and even purchasing $80,000 projectors. But rarely, if ever, do the conversations turn to what we can do to create the safest possible environment for our kids. Meanwhile, there are countless reports of children and teenagers being abused by trusted leaders within the church.
As someone who has dedicated my career to building successful Kids Ministries and as a mother of four young children, I am more convinced than ever that it’s time for the church to get serious about safety and security for families. Perhaps one of the church’s key growth strategies isn't launching more campuses or flying in your favorite Worship leader, but rather ensuring the Kids Ministry provides the safest and most secure environment possible for families.
Whether you’re a parent or a church leader, here are five questions I’d ask my Kids Pastor to determine whether your Kids Ministry is truly safe:
1. What are your adult-to-child ratios?
If a church is packing kids into a room with insufficient adults, that's a red flag. Every age group has different needs, and while ratios vary based on state regulations and insurance policies, here's a general guideline for the necessary 18+ adults.
Infants (under 1 year): 1 adult for every 3-4 babies
Toddlers (1-2 years): 1 adult for every 6 kids
Preschoolers (3-5 years): 1 adult for every 8-10 kids
Elementary-aged kids (6-12 years): 1 adult for every 12-15 kids
*Please note, your church should also be abiding by fire code ensuring there are not too many people in the room.
Beyond ratios, I'd ask, "Do you always have two unrelated adults (18+) in every room?" Why? The goal is to avoid situations where legal or insurance issues could arise, such as a situation where a minor (like a 16-year-old) could be involved in a case where testimony or legal liability is in question or a spouse not being required by law to testify against the other in court. These rules are not only for the protection of kids, but for the volunteers too.
2. How often do you train and background-check your volunteers?
Most churches do an initial background check and basic training, but that's not enough. I'd ask:
When was the last time your volunteers had safety training such as CPR? What was covered in your most recent training? If a volunteer was unable to attend, how did they receive this training to stay up to date?
Do you renew background checks every two years and who are your background checks run through?
Are your volunteers trained in emergency procedures? If I asked a nursery worker how they would evacuate babies in a fire, would they have a clear plan? Do they know what to do in the event of an intruder? Every volunteer should be equipped with step-by-step protocols for emergencies—because in a crisis, hesitation isn’t an option.
What is the age limit for your lap policy? Are kids over the age of 2 allowed to sit on a volunteer’s lap and when were your volunteers made aware of this policy?
Does our church follow the 6-month rule? Many church insurance policies and child protection guidelines recommend that volunteers must attend a church for at least six months before serving in children’s ministry. This waiting period helps build trust and allows leadership to observe the volunteer’s character and commitment. Studies show that predators often seek easy access to children, and when churches have strict barriers to serving, it significantly reduces the likelihood of a predator sticking around.
3. What are your bathroom policies?
A child alone with an adult in a bathroom is an absolute no. I’ll say it one more time for the people in the back. If a child is ever alone with an adult, for even 1 minute, that was 1 minute too long. If the church hasn't thought this through, it's a major issue. Here's what I'd want to hear:
For younger kids who need assistance:
Individual restrooms attached to rooms or
A policy where two adults always walk a child to the restroom—one assisting, the other keeping the door open and eyes on them for accountability and safety
For elementary-aged kids:
Separate kid-only restrooms with appropriate signage and supervision to monitor who is walking in and out
4. Do you have a security team monitoring the kids’ area?
If the senior pastor has a security team, then your kids’ ministry better have their own security too! There should be:
Security personnel walking through kids’ environments during service who have instant communication channels to each other.
A monitored entrance so random people aren’t walking in and kids cannot escape out.
Volunteers who are trained in crisis protocol: Intruder, fire, etc.
If a church isn't protecting their most vulnerable attendees (the kids), but they have code words for the Senior Pastor such as, “The Eagle has landed on stage” - Well, it might be a sign to see things shift.
5. How do you handle check-in, check-out, and locked doors during service?
I'd want to hear that the doors/hallway to the Kids Ministry is closed off 15 minutes into service and that no one is able to enter without having a conversation with a security or Kids Ministry team member. Anyone entering should be dropping off a child, or holding an identification tag to pick up their child. Some key things I'd look for:
A secure check-in system with unique numbers that change weekly.
Strict pick-up policies (e.g., If someone loses their tag, the church should verify their identity by a license and check their name against this child’s online profile.)
Routine reminders to parents that they can update who is attached to their child’s profile.
An adult staff member or volunteer always standing in the check in area.
I’ve witnessed numerous scenarios, when it comes to check in/out that would make your hair curl. I’ve seen individuals posing as parents attempting to gain access to the Kids Ministry space, as well as situations where a parent in a custody battle tried to pick up a child before the responsible parent was aware. Churches must be vigilant and fully prepared to handle any and all situations that could arise.
Additional Red flags:
Allergy Awareness and Communication:
If churches are providing snacks, they should have allergy posters prominently displayed and be actively communicating with every parent at drop-off. This ensures that all staff and volunteers are informed of any allergies and can take necessary precautions to prevent allergic reactions.Photographing Children Without Parental Consent:
Many churches operate under the assumption that by being on their property, parents are granting consent for photos unless they explicitly opt out. This practice isn’t just unacceptable—it reflects a lack of awareness of the diverse needs within the community. Whether due to foster or adopted status, custody arrangements, or other personal reasons, parents may have valid concerns about their children’s images being used. If a church fails to understand this, it’s clear they’re not in tune with the dangerous realities some families face. As my dear friend and longtime contributor to one of the leading Kids Ministry curriculums, Dana Wilkerson, wisely says: “A parent should have to opt in for their child’s photograph being taken and used for promotional purposes, not opt out.” There are many ways to grab the pictures you need in a way that serves the needs of your families. If you need help navigating this, please don’t hesitate to reach out.
What’s next:
If you’re a parent, don’t ignore red flags. If your church struggles to answer these questions or dismisses these concerns, it may be time to reconsider where you spend your Sundays.
If you’re a church leader, safety isn’t optional—it’s foundational. A thriving Kids Ministry isn’t just about great programs or fun activities; it’s about creating an environment where parents can trust you and feel confident leaving their children in your care.
Next Wave is offering a free, 30-minute introductory call for any church looking to strengthen its safety and security measures. Among all the initiatives and strategies we pursue in the church, let’s make sure protecting our kids is at the top of the list. Because when we get safety right, we don’t just build better ministries—we build trust, we build families, and we build the Kingdom.
